Cartoon Network Punch Time Explosion
(We immediately cut to the G-man popping up from below) G-man: Hey, Vsauce, G-man here! (He opens his mouth again to speak, but he is interrupted by Tattletail from offscreen) Tattletail: Wrong show! G-man: It is? Crap! (He looks to his right) Pinkie! Call Bill Nye and say it’s off! (Cut to the intro, and then to the G-man at his desk in his room) G-man: Hello, everyone! I am the G-man, and that’s all you need to know about that. Super Smash Bros has come a long way, hasn’t it? (The main theme of the fourth Smash Bros game starts as clips of the game begin to play) G-man (V.O): I know I talked about this game many times, but I can’t help it that it’s such a great game! And with such a great game, of course there has to be many spinoffs! One of them being a game for the Nintendo 3DS called Cartoon Network Punch Time Explosion. I referenced this earlier in my review of the Last Generation where I said that game was worse than what I’m about to review. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Before we begin, I feel like I should let you all know that two versions of this game exist. The original for the 3DS, and the XL version for the Wii, Xbox 360, and PS3. Today, we’ll be looking at the original. So, without further ado, here’s Cartoon Network Punch Time Explosion! (Cut to the opening cutscene) G-man (V.O): We open with the Narrator watching TV, when… (Vilgax appears in Chowder’s world) WAIT A MINUTE! (A record scratch is heard) Is that Vilgax from Ben 10? What the hell is he doing in Chowder’s world? (Cut back to the game) Narrator: But what’s he doing in Chowder’s world? (Cut back to the G-man with his face in his hands) G-man: Oh god, there’s a narrator that points out the obvious! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): After Ben Tennyson appears in Chowder’s world… (Cut back to the G-man briefly) Why did I say that? (Cut back to the game) Gameplay begins. It works kind of like Smash Bros, but with a few exceptions. For one, you don’t press up to jump, your press X. Why? I get they were trying to be creative, but why X? Why can’t up be jump?! (Chowder appears) Anyway, Ben eventually comes across Chowder and Kimchi… Narrator: What’s wrong with him? Something’s not right… G-man (V.O): Yeah, thank you, sir. So, after we fight Chowder.EXE here, we get him back to quote end quote “Normal”. He explains that Vilgax has kidnapped Mung, and after a few more levels, we meet up with them. Ben: Vilgax! Chowder: Mung! Vilgax: Tennyson! Mung: Chowder! (Cut back to the G-man on his iPhone. He looks at it for a few seconds before he notices the camera) G-man: What? Did you seriously think that I was going to say my own name? (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): In this next level, we have to defeat the Forever Knights before they knock out Mung. And holy hell, it’s so hard! (Mung gets knocked out) Damnit! (Mung gets knocked out again) Damnit! (Mung gets knocked out yet again) Damnit! (He beats the level) Ugh! Finally! So, after that, we get warped to Bellwood where we find a possessed version of Buttercup from the Powerpuff Girls. Ben: I was told not to hit girls, but you’re not leaving me any choice. I can’t lose Vilgax’s trail! Chowder: Uh, Ben? I’m pretty sure that this girl can more than take care of herself. G-man (V.O): Gee, you think? Anyway, after we get Buttercup back to normal, we get warped to Primus. Where, after a few levels, we meet up with Vilgax. Ben: It’s time to end this, Vilgax! Vilgax: I agree, Tennyson. So I brought a friend along to end you. (A mutated version of Kevin E. Leven appears. Cut back to the G-man screaming and falling out of his chair. After a while, he gets back up) G-man: What the hell is that?! (Cut back to the game) Ben: …Kevin?! (Cut back to the G-man back in his usual spot) G-man: Wait a minute, THAT’S Kevin?! He looks like an SCP! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Anyway, Vilgax disappears and our first boss fight begins. And for the first boss, he’s pretty hard! In the XL version Gwen helps us midway through the fight. But not in this version! Where the hell was she? (He sighs) So, we defeat Kevin get revert him back to his original self. Kevin: Ben? What happened? Ben: Relax. You’re on Primus. Vilgax did something to you to turn you against us. Kevin: What? Old Green Jeans did this to me? (Cut back to the G-man snickering) G-man: Okay, that was funny! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Anyway, Dexter from Dexter’s Lab saves us, and we get transported to Flapjack’s world. Dexter: Whatever you do, goofy-looking sailor boy… You must stop that villain from destroying your world… So that I can unite the power of many heroes and restore order to this unexplained inter-dimensional mix up! G-man (V.O): So, we go through Stormalong Harbor as Flapjack and we meet up with Captain K’nuckles. Who joins us because, get this… Flapjack: Oh, and the pirate he wants us to fight has a candy hand and leg. K’nuckles: A candy handed pirate? Let’s go eat him, boy. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: That’s right! He joins us because he wants to eat Stickybeard! (He facepalms before we cut back to the game. Vilgax and a possessed version of Numbuh One appears) K’nuckles: And who’s your football headed sidekick you brought with you? (Cut back to the G-man snickering) G-man: That was also funny! Can this whole game be about Cartoon Network characters dissing out other Cartoon Network characters? (Cut back to the game) Numbuh One: The last thing I remember is chasing Stickybeard and then it’s all a blank until now. G-man (V.O): So now we start our next boss fight with Stickybeard. (He sighs) In Bubby’s mouth… I’m serious! A fucking whale eats us like it was Finding Nemo and the whole fight takes place in her mouth! That’s disgusting! I’m pretty sure all the germaphobes out there were like: “Y’know, I was going to finish it, but after witnessing that, I want to wash my hands for longer than usual!” Anyway, after we defeat Stickybeard, we get warped to the KND world. (Cut to Dexter’s machine traveling through a tunnel with a bunch of Cartoon Network shows playing in the background. Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Oh god, I think I’m going to hurl! (Cut back to the game. We’re at the KND Sector 5 Treehouse) G-man (V.O): After a few more levels, we fight Stickybeard’s ship. To defeat it, you have to attack the cannons three times to make them explode. After that, we move on. Father sabotages Dexter’s machine and we end up in the world of the Powerpuff Girls where Blossom and Bubbles join us. Bubbles: It’s Buttercup! She’s back! Buttercup: Oh man! I’ve been on a crazy adventure! G-man (V.O): You don’t say! Anyway, Blossom explains that Mojo Jojo is destroying Townsville with a giant robot and it’s up to the heroes to stop him. A little later in, we play as Bubbles flying through the air and eliminating enemies with her laser eyes. After that, we move on to the next level where, get this: We have to fight the other heroes! Why? I’ll just let Bubbles explain it. Bubbles: I think the toughest one of us needs to take Mojo on. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: And you’re all willing to beat each other up over that? Bullshit! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Anyway, the hero we chose fights Mojo. Well, we don’t have to defeat him per say, all we have to do is- Narrator: C’mon, everyone knows the only way to take down Mojo’s robot is to destroy its power core. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Yeah, everyone knows because you said it! Now if you please, I’ve got a game to review. (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): So, after we complete the Powerpuff Girls world, we move onto- (Cut to the outside of…) Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends?! What, was Regular Show too edgy for you? Seriously, even the narrator is surprised by this! Narrator: How bad can a place be that has “Friends” right in the title? G-man (V.O): So, we teleport inside and we meet the possessed version of Mac and Bloo. Chowder: We’re on a crazy mission to save all of the dimensions from a super evil that has us hopping through worlds and teaming up with super heroes and meeting super scientists and super evil monkeys! Bloo: Are you an imaginary friend? Chowder: Uh… No? Bubbles: Chowder, when someone asks you if you’re an imaginary friend, you say yes! G-man (V.O): Well, that’s just common knowledge! Anyway, after we revert them back to normal, they join us on our adventure! (He sighs) Right after we save Cheese… Mac: We have to save him! Bloo: Ugh. Do we have to? (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Heh! I like Bloo! Him and I have the same exact thoughts! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): After we scale the abnormally large building, we find Cheese who has some words of wisdom… Cheese: I like chocolate milk! (Cut back to the G-man banging his head on his desk for a brief moment before we cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Anyway, now we have to defend Cheese from more enemies like we did with Mung. And all I can say is DAMN IT’S HARD! Cheese’s health drains quicker than Sonic the Hedgehog if he just drank a gallon of Red Bull! And that’s pretty fast if you ask me! But still, we have to move on. We pick up Numbuh One and the others in the KND world and we teleport back to Dexter’s laboratory. Narrator: Finally, our two teams have all come together inside of Dexter’s lab! (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Oh my god, we already know! We are seeing happen before our damn eyes! Stop pointing out the obvious! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Anyway, we go through Dexter’s lab for a while and we find Monkey imprisoned by a giant robot. To free him, we obviously have to destroy it by destroying the four power sources on the stage. After that, we get to play as him! Ben: Well, we fought a super villain monkey already. May as well have a super hero monkey on our team. G-man (V.O): In the next level, we find that Father had set fire to the lab. Dexter: The lab is on fire! (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: No, no, no! The right lyrics are: (He points up and the voice of Alicia Keys is heard) Alicia (V.O singing): This girl is on fire! (Cut back to the game) Numbuh One: It’s Father! We have to stop him! Father: I’m so very glad you could all be here at once. Buttercup: Let’s take him down! Numbuh One: He’s gaining power from the fires! Try to put them out! G-man (V.O): Good idea! But guess what? That doesn’t happen during the fight! So why even say that? Anyway, after we defeat Father, we move on through the lab where we eventually encounter Aku from Samurai Jack. Aku: Foolish worriers. Your quest has put you in the path of the future that is Aku. Chowder: What are those things coming out the side of his head? Horns? (Cut back to the G-man laughing) G-man: Wow, man! A giant threat crosses your path and your first reaction is “What is up with your head?”? (He laughs some more) This is the funniest bad game ever! (Cut back to the game. The boss fight with Aku begins) Narrator: It’s just you against the Shotgun of Sorrows, the Master of Masters. No pressure! G-man (V.O): Dude, you’re not helping! Anyway, after we beat Aku’s main form, we move on to the fight against his dragon form. To defeat him, you have to wait until his presumably horrible breath destroys the protector around a red button before a giant laser canon destroys him. After that, it’s onto the next world! Dexter: Do you hear that rumbling? The dimensions are growing unstable! Buttercup: Are you sure that rumbling isn’t just Chowder’s stomach growing hungrier? (Cut back to the G-man laughing) G-man: Okay, THAT was hilarious! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): So, it’s back in the vortex of shows again… Narrator: Things were looking pretty dark there in Dexter’s lab. But there’s nowhere to go that could be as dark as this place is! G-man (V.O): Unless it’s Endsville from the Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy- (The machine is headed to said dimension) Aw, shit! Narrator: Oh man! You know Endsville is a weird place when teaming up with the Grim Reaper seems like a good idea. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Wait, wait, wait! This is a video game, a KID’S video game mind you, where you play as Death himself? (He goes from confused to hysterical) Okay, that’s awesome! (Cut back to the game) Flapjack: Hey, why aren’t your eyes glowing red like everyone else? G-man (V.O): It’s simple, Flapjack! He’s (In deep voice) the Grim Reaper. Buttercup: Maybe because he doesn’t have eyes, genius. G-man (V.O in normal voice): …Or that. Anyway, now we go through Endsville where eventually we run from a twister, run on top of a train, and dodge attacks coming from some guy in a helicopter. (There’s a moment of silence before the G-man speaks again) You know, sometimes I wonder what the game developers were on when they were making this game. (Cut to the possessed versions of Billy and Mandy) Narrator: It’s an evil Billy and Mandy. Which is pretty scary… Because it’s not like the normal Billy and Mandy were really all that good to begin with. G-man (V.O): Anyway, now we have to best up Billy and Mandy as Ben 10 and other Cartoon Network characters… (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: …Because SOMEONE had to say that… (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): …And we get them back to normal. Well, as normal as they could ever be. Billy: I knew if I wished with my wizard powers, some magical friends would come and join me at Toadblatt’s! Mandy: Billy, don’t be stupid. (Cut back to the G-man facepalming) G-man: Mandy, asking Billy to quit being a moron is like asking Wendy’s to stop making their tweets savage! It’s impossible! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Anyway, our adventure through Endsville eventually leads us to the underworld where we defeat Father and Mojo once and for all. After that, it’s on to the world of Samurai Jack. Narrator: This could get really bad. Or really entertaining from my perspective. Time to eat some jerky. (Cut back to the G-man looking perplexed for a brief moment before we cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Anyway, after we revert Jack back to his original self, we eventually encounter Vilgax again. Vilgax: You fools have followed me across every dimension I’ve been to. But your journey has been pointless. I will not be defeated this time. I can’t be. Too much is at stake. Jack: I would see to it that you are never allowed to threaten anyone again, foul creature. Bloo: Ooh. Tell him he looks like a walking sushi buffet. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Dude, that’s my job! (He clears his throat) This dumbass looks like a walking sushi buffet! (A laugh track is heard and the G-man bows. Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Anyway, after defeating Vilgax and completing a few more levels, we get to fight an onslaught of enemies. And holy hell, it’s so hard! There are 30 of them, and after just the first few, I lost a life! Seriously, what the fuck! Anyway, after we complete all these worlds, we finally, after all this time, get to see who was behind all of this! (The heroes are transported to a giant room with TVs covering the walls. The ceiling slowly opens up. Cut back to the G-man looking very interested) G-man: Aw, man! Who could it be? (Cut back to the game. A giant remote-control floats down and transforms into a robot) Narrator: Hey, that’s my remote-control! I was looking for that darn thing everywhere! (Cut back to the G-man bursting out into laughter. He laughs for half a minute before he finally speaks) G-man: Okay, that was funny! Now who’s the real mastermind? (Cut back to the game. The remote ties up the heroes in a ring made of energy. Cut back to the G-man with his mouth agape) G-man: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): We waited all this time for THAT?! The Narrator’s remote-goddamn-control?! Bullshit! God, how can this game get any sleazier? (Captain Planet comes out of a portal and destroys the ring the heroes are trapped in. Cut back to the G-man looking disbelieved) G-man: What?! Is-Is that Captain Planet? Captain Planet saves the other Cartoon Network heroes?! (He looks around) Who’s idea was this?! (Cut back to the game where the credits are rolling) G-man (V.O): And that was Cartoon Network Punch Time Explosion! And holy hell it was terrible! Let me put it this way, here is everyone when they saw it at first glance: Wow! A Cartoon Network fighting game? And with all the cartoons from my childhood? This is going to rock! (Cut to a time card with the G-man reading over it) G-man (V.O reading the card): One gameplay later… (Cut back to the G-man throwing the game in the trash, and then to him back at his desk) G-man: Well, I am the G-man, that’s all you need to know about that, and let’s pray to the Lord Almighty that there won’t be a sequel! Peace! Category:Episode